Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
