Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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