yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
...so i touched it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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