So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize