whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think your dad took our porno
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
