just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
