Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
