I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
