I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
