you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So much rum. So many feels.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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