I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
