He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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