seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
