i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize