And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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