after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
