he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
