my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize