And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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