Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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