When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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