no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
