I have demons in me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize