How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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