I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
