Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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