piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
