Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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