remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
