My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
