saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to calm my uterus...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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