haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
