I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
