this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
