How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
