we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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