i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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