How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
