dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How does one acquire holy water?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
