I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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