Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
