If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
