Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry my hands just texted you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
