all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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