the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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