well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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