Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's the barista slut.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
