we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
