I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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