You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
