the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
