Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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