I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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