picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
