You're a womanizer and a bitch.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
