ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want to make out with him forever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
