Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize