i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
