i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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