We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
