The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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