I want to make a zoo with you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
4 words: hood of his car
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
