I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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