So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
