I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize