I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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