lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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