we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
