fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize