I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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