when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
