I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
