that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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