I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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