Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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