Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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