NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
