Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
