I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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