Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
