I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
