thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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