Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
