Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
thus making me awesome and them whores
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
