But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
