the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
