he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
