oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
