Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
