My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize