Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
