woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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