please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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