this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
