im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
