Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
