I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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